he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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