Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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