ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
