I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
