Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
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Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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