How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
