There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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