Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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