I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
