take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
