You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize