There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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