You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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