Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
