my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
