We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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