just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
