i already hear my dad disowning me
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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