Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
This toilet bowl is my home.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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