i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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