I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
