dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
