Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
