Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
