this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
