One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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