Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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