ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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