I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize