wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
