you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
