I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
