I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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