no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
