the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
