just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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