Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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