Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
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Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
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Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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