your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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