please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My breasts were aching with rage.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
