I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
