So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
