And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
