Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
