yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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