is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
