someone threw a dead crab at me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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