Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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