I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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