your room smells of hookers.
And success
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
