Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
