i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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