I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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