Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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