i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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