I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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