Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
