i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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