The maid of honor just puked.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
