he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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