Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Come on in and take your pants off
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