mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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